I think a lot these days. I always think, but right now, it is really working inside me.
What matters? Is everyone really so independent from material stuff as they post from their iphones? Is it really just love & friends?
How do I know what I feel? Is the feeling important?
How can one get by in this world? Isn't everyone struck by destiny at least once?
I find life so devastatingly difficult. Where to live, what to eat - organic or fair trade? - what to do? Classic Relationship thing, one on one? How does this work? Is it possible at all or are all relationships bound to fail at one point in the one way or the other?
How to raise your kids if they'll end up needing therapy like 85% of the people at one stage anyway? How can one do it right?
How to handle injustice and suffering among your friends and family? Is it not better to stay out of it... safe?
How can we be human? What is human? What is human?
How to protect people we love from getting hurt? How to protect us from people we love? How to protect love?
How to find out who we are? But maybe I don't want to. Maybe I'd rather live an illusion of myself. What if I found out I was a racist banker at heart? No thank you, I keep my picture.
Crazy thoughts.
Crazy feelings.
Crazy thunderstorm and rain, oh the rain. Helps.
Gotta sleep.
Sunday, 18 July 2010
First lines to my book
My friend has been threatening me to write a book about my love life. She was my first roommate ever and this has been going on for years. By now she’s married while I am still me - the threat is out there still. As she had recently had a baby and I presume lots of time at home, I don’t want to miss out on a business opportunity, so I am going ahead and writing my own story. If it sounds familiar, she was faster than me. But believe me, I’ve the better stories to tell.
Tuesday, 13 July 2010
Itchy
I got covered in dust last night sitting in a park. But the dust didn't prevent the moscitoes from eating me up alive... Today is just crazy, I am covered in not less than 30 bites.. but it was a nice sit in with lightnings and music..
Berlin's still pretty hot.
I still got that bunny.
I still workworkwork :)....
I want to be more productive though... turn up the engine.
And swim the lakes of Berlin at night!
Currently, Berlin and I are in a love-hate relationship. Either I love it. The people, the many hellos we get on a morning round, the chit chat, the sun on Tempelhof, the space, the faces on the trains, the very random encounters day after day, my messy appartment, my strange and changing life, my friends, the closeness to people I very often feel here, the possibility to literally do WHATEVER and not to be judged. The bars opening around my area, the fact that the World Cup is finally over, no more silvester "bombs" at night, no more puke the morning after on the streets... The fact that three thirds of the "really" stylish people aren't even Berlin, they are from Barcelona or Brasil, the girls wearing the layers and the sun glasses... The Berliner is actually very much conservative, possibly chucks, but that's it. (Unless a Turkish or Arabian background)... I love the fact that Aussi and I had an excursion into enemy's country (Prenzlauer Berg, couple with children...) & came home with two free cages and really interesting bunny supplies. Is the enemy not the enemy after all? Check out your favorite Feindbild http://www.zitty.de/magazin-berlin/16849/ in Berlin... (Love that article, too)
I hate the heat that stays like a soup, makes you drown in it, doesn't let you go. Soup comes with the smell of the puke, the dog shit, the sweat of the millions of people who gather on this little piece of earth... People abuse people, children... animals. Life. They stay, they waste, they are rude.. they say "they" :).. Sometimes I have enough of it all, I want silence, the smell of a forest, space. Peace. Good thing that I got an excuse to leave the house and wonder off into the greens 3 times a day... Otherwise I'd go crazy.
But then again. I love you Berlin. I like what this city is doing with me.
Berlin's still pretty hot.
I still got that bunny.
I still workworkwork :)....
I want to be more productive though... turn up the engine.
And swim the lakes of Berlin at night!
Currently, Berlin and I are in a love-hate relationship. Either I love it. The people, the many hellos we get on a morning round, the chit chat, the sun on Tempelhof, the space, the faces on the trains, the very random encounters day after day, my messy appartment, my strange and changing life, my friends, the closeness to people I very often feel here, the possibility to literally do WHATEVER and not to be judged. The bars opening around my area, the fact that the World Cup is finally over, no more silvester "bombs" at night, no more puke the morning after on the streets... The fact that three thirds of the "really" stylish people aren't even Berlin, they are from Barcelona or Brasil, the girls wearing the layers and the sun glasses... The Berliner is actually very much conservative, possibly chucks, but that's it. (Unless a Turkish or Arabian background)... I love the fact that Aussi and I had an excursion into enemy's country (Prenzlauer Berg, couple with children...) & came home with two free cages and really interesting bunny supplies. Is the enemy not the enemy after all? Check out your favorite Feindbild http://www.zitty.de/magazin-berlin/16849/ in Berlin... (Love that article, too)
I hate the heat that stays like a soup, makes you drown in it, doesn't let you go. Soup comes with the smell of the puke, the dog shit, the sweat of the millions of people who gather on this little piece of earth... People abuse people, children... animals. Life. They stay, they waste, they are rude.. they say "they" :).. Sometimes I have enough of it all, I want silence, the smell of a forest, space. Peace. Good thing that I got an excuse to leave the house and wonder off into the greens 3 times a day... Otherwise I'd go crazy.
But then again. I love you Berlin. I like what this city is doing with me.
Saturday, 10 July 2010
Feeling homy
... with the homies :)
I just helped a friend of mine to move in today. She literally lives down the street from me, just around the corner. I love how in the past three months I found so many people living close by who have now become friends. There is my study companion, with whom I do meet rather spontaneously for a drink / supper, too. 3 girls I found through Zora whilst walking her (all with dogs themselves). My favourite Irish & Australian who live not too far away... My dogsitter!
Then there's all these little bars and galleries here that I love so much... And I should really start to eat out in this area, I have no clue, but there is soo much!
This is becoming my home :-D!
Cheerio :)
I just helped a friend of mine to move in today. She literally lives down the street from me, just around the corner. I love how in the past three months I found so many people living close by who have now become friends. There is my study companion, with whom I do meet rather spontaneously for a drink / supper, too. 3 girls I found through Zora whilst walking her (all with dogs themselves). My favourite Irish & Australian who live not too far away... My dogsitter!
Then there's all these little bars and galleries here that I love so much... And I should really start to eat out in this area, I have no clue, but there is soo much!
This is becoming my home :-D!
Cheerio :)
Friday, 09 July 2010
New Stuff!
New Computer!
New Windows 7 (confusing!)
New Word and Google Chrome!
New Keyboard: NNNNNNNNNNN :-D!
New speakers :)!
New Friends!
New Attitude!
New Pet!
What can I say? Life got a bit confusing today.... I did keep the bunny for now. Seeing that he/she is almost part of the family already... see above ;) Will see how the next days go, want the bunny (and me!) to be happy. Zora does love him.... Will see ;)
His companion died once we had arrived at home. He got into the fangs of two hunting dogs... Very sad, all of it. I put up signs, called the shelter and the vet. Punk (that's what I named him) just doesn't seem like he wasn't loved... He's so tame... Maybe the family is on holiday and the kids weren't asked about this.. Very sad.
Very hot today... gotta work a bit more, now that it is colder. Can't really get used to this new keyboard yet, feels like I gotta jam the keys... hm hm hm
Cheerio!
New Windows 7 (confusing!)
New Word and Google Chrome!
New Keyboard: NNNNNNNNNNN :-D!
New speakers :)!
New Friends!
New Attitude!
New Pet!
What can I say? Life got a bit confusing today.... I did keep the bunny for now. Seeing that he/she is almost part of the family already... see above ;) Will see how the next days go, want the bunny (and me!) to be happy. Zora does love him.... Will see ;)
His companion died once we had arrived at home. He got into the fangs of two hunting dogs... Very sad, all of it. I put up signs, called the shelter and the vet. Punk (that's what I named him) just doesn't seem like he wasn't loved... He's so tame... Maybe the family is on holiday and the kids weren't asked about this.. Very sad.
Very hot today... gotta work a bit more, now that it is colder. Can't really get used to this new keyboard yet, feels like I gotta jam the keys... hm hm hm
Cheerio!
Punk
Today Zora and I came home with two bunnies from the dog park :(. One of them didn't make it. The other one now lives in my bathroom. (For now)
Berlin's schools are out for summer. Sometimes I hate people. More later.
Berlin's schools are out for summer. Sometimes I hate people. More later.
Educator's talk
Hey hey,
I am (thesis) writing these days. Tomorrow I'll hopefully receive a new labtop in the mail. I will then annoy you all with capital "n"s... Believe me!!!
These days are devoted to communication! Lots of chats to people at the dog parks, children on the streets, on trains... Interesting, amusing, inspiring...
We survived the ride home after the soccer match :)! I am really proud. Generally I think we are doing really good, she's calming down more & more whilst we continue to "practice" (My favourite German sentence: "Ja, das üben wir noch!!").
I have now set a new goals because I want her to learn "Stay", "Back" and wait at street crossings for me to walk ahead, check the street and then run across at my signal. I also think it might be cool if she walked behind me on stairs... Goals coming up! Maybe I'll even train her to run without a leash on the sidwalk while I bike on the street... (General biking with her on the leash is going really well though). Some chick told me today her dog brings the keys, its plate, switches the light on and off... I like all those ideas! Let's tire her brains out ;)!
Before I forgot, I am rereading this book at the moment and I highly recommend it to any people with dogs (Amazon not obligatory, of course and it exists in German, too "Das andere Ende der Leine").
It has really shaped my behaviour towards Zora!
Today we visited her most amazing dog sitter, who gave ine of us food & ice cream & plants!!! What can I say?? We then biked on to Tempelhof, where we met a really cool couple with two dogs who are as crazy (if not worse) as Zora!! The male dog even used to walk past people and pee at them!! I love that story! I am so lucky with my silly dumb dog ;)! And I must say that I do love Tempelhof. Mental note to take my camera along to take pics and share my excitement...
These days are filled with work, so busy, but they are good. I am still glad I took the step. Or in my case a major jump ;(. And I might talk too much about her at times. This is why I now put it all into my blog.
I am so proud that she's calm at home, that she can stay alone alright - on a few occasions for longer, too, that she plays so friendly with all dogs, lets me call her in between (unless of course there is a ball... BALL BALL BALL), doesn't chase stuff (except for pidgins), kisses Barnie on command (seriously the cutest thing ever), always has a smirk about her... and yes, she does go after the cute joggers for me :).
So all in all, life is really good. All I need to do is finish my three chapters and my scholarship application in 2 weeks. But yeah. I can do that. Maybe I'll teach Zora to write, too. (Today she "understood" the spelt out B-A-L-L at the dog park and people made fun of me, when I said I'd train her everyday and said, "Zora, S-I-T!". They laughed and I used that occasion to point out that I am raising her bilingually. not sure if everyone caught on though)
hehe
Time for sleep. Tomorrow morning we are meeting Emma & her person for a morning walk. Yes, it takes all of Berlin to raise us :)
Cheerio...
I am (thesis) writing these days. Tomorrow I'll hopefully receive a new labtop in the mail. I will then annoy you all with capital "n"s... Believe me!!!
These days are devoted to communication! Lots of chats to people at the dog parks, children on the streets, on trains... Interesting, amusing, inspiring...
We survived the ride home after the soccer match :)! I am really proud. Generally I think we are doing really good, she's calming down more & more whilst we continue to "practice" (My favourite German sentence: "Ja, das üben wir noch!!").
I have now set a new goals because I want her to learn "Stay", "Back" and wait at street crossings for me to walk ahead, check the street and then run across at my signal. I also think it might be cool if she walked behind me on stairs... Goals coming up! Maybe I'll even train her to run without a leash on the sidwalk while I bike on the street... (General biking with her on the leash is going really well though). Some chick told me today her dog brings the keys, its plate, switches the light on and off... I like all those ideas! Let's tire her brains out ;)!
Before I forgot, I am rereading this book at the moment and I highly recommend it to any people with dogs (Amazon not obligatory, of course and it exists in German, too "Das andere Ende der Leine").
It has really shaped my behaviour towards Zora!
Today we visited her most amazing dog sitter, who gave ine of us food & ice cream & plants!!! What can I say?? We then biked on to Tempelhof, where we met a really cool couple with two dogs who are as crazy (if not worse) as Zora!! The male dog even used to walk past people and pee at them!! I love that story! I am so lucky with my silly dumb dog ;)! And I must say that I do love Tempelhof. Mental note to take my camera along to take pics and share my excitement...
These days are filled with work, so busy, but they are good. I am still glad I took the step. Or in my case a major jump ;(. And I might talk too much about her at times. This is why I now put it all into my blog.
I am so proud that she's calm at home, that she can stay alone alright - on a few occasions for longer, too, that she plays so friendly with all dogs, lets me call her in between (unless of course there is a ball... BALL BALL BALL), doesn't chase stuff (except for pidgins), kisses Barnie on command (seriously the cutest thing ever), always has a smirk about her... and yes, she does go after the cute joggers for me :).
So all in all, life is really good. All I need to do is finish my three chapters and my scholarship application in 2 weeks. But yeah. I can do that. Maybe I'll teach Zora to write, too. (Today she "understood" the spelt out B-A-L-L at the dog park and people made fun of me, when I said I'd train her everyday and said, "Zora, S-I-T!". They laughed and I used that occasion to point out that I am raising her bilingually. not sure if everyone caught on though)
hehe
Time for sleep. Tomorrow morning we are meeting Emma & her person for a morning walk. Yes, it takes all of Berlin to raise us :)
Cheerio...
Tuesday, 06 July 2010
On dinosaurs
Returning from a short afternoon walk -- during which Zo had proven a real bitch as she barked yet again at some innocent Turkish man sitting behind a tree, aah! -- we ran into a mother, her daughter and their puppy. It was an 8 weeks old mix between a chihuaha and a jack russel terrier (so they claimed) and I let my dogs sniff the babes. Looking at that was incredible because the entire dog was half the size of either Barnie's or Zora's head!!! I tried hard not to crack too many jokes, but it felt like two brontosauri were gently sniffing on some small creature... (at this point, Zora was actually gentle, she could have eaten the thing in one bite... )
:)
I am walking the streets of neukoelln with two dinosaurs!
Monday, 05 July 2010
Monday morning encounters
This morning the three of us had a million gazillion encounters with humans and canines, fine spirired and not so fine.
One was pretty bad as Zora barked at some person (homeless? unemployed for sure...) sitting on the ground on a public walking path, leaning against a tree, reading the newspaper. What can I say she had never seen something like that before :). Zora sniffed at him and he yelled. So she ran around the tree a few times barking until I finally catch her. (not attacking obviously, being Zora, and the guy had definitely heard us coming along beforehand, so his reaction that made her bark in the first place, was... well... hmm.. I know she's not supposed to that... anyway) So he screams, "Come here once more, someone will get hit on the head with a stick!" I wondered if that was referring to me or her, it was a rather open comment. And I waited for Barnie (who had deciced to poop in the bush right next to the guy, what a statement...), held Zo on the collar, apologized and left. He bitched something after me, that I didn't really understand. Either me or Zora were considered "psychologically ill". I contemplated about walking back, starting a conversation, but I thought it's not really worth it.
Mind you that was the path where on sunday morning during our tour, we had walked past a parking taxi, windows open, music playing and two naked people in the backseat. On sunday around 8am!!! I guess I am still a town girl after all..
Back to work...
One was pretty bad as Zora barked at some person (homeless? unemployed for sure...) sitting on the ground on a public walking path, leaning against a tree, reading the newspaper. What can I say she had never seen something like that before :). Zora sniffed at him and he yelled. So she ran around the tree a few times barking until I finally catch her. (not attacking obviously, being Zora, and the guy had definitely heard us coming along beforehand, so his reaction that made her bark in the first place, was... well... hmm.. I know she's not supposed to that... anyway) So he screams, "Come here once more, someone will get hit on the head with a stick!" I wondered if that was referring to me or her, it was a rather open comment. And I waited for Barnie (who had deciced to poop in the bush right next to the guy, what a statement...), held Zo on the collar, apologized and left. He bitched something after me, that I didn't really understand. Either me or Zora were considered "psychologically ill". I contemplated about walking back, starting a conversation, but I thought it's not really worth it.
Mind you that was the path where on sunday morning during our tour, we had walked past a parking taxi, windows open, music playing and two naked people in the backseat. On sunday around 8am!!! I guess I am still a town girl after all..
Back to work...
Sunday, 04 July 2010
hui!
If that stat counter is right I had two more visits just now :)
Or maybe it is actually counting my own clicks...? Oh well. Excitement builds. Place is cooling down. :)
Or maybe it is actually counting my own clicks...? Oh well. Excitement builds. Place is cooling down. :)
The heat of soccer
Berlin is about 100° hot these days. Today Germany kicked Argentina out of the World Cup. 4:0. What a game it must have been. I stayed hidden behind curtains, windows closed, working at my desk. Might have gone out and celebrated my German soccer heritage if it hadn't been for my friend sitting at my dining table studying herself. But fleeing my appartment wouldn't have been possible even to abandon my love-hate work because of my guest for the weekend, Barnie, my sister's dog (she went sailing... she went sailing... like a boat... cross the seas...). He's 11, almost fully blind, pretty deaf - but not deaf enough not to hear and be terrified by the fireworks that went off at every occasion Germany could have or actually did score a goal. There were many. Down here in neukoelln, sometimes I think this is what war must sound like.
Just before the game a short walk around the block in the blistering sun. Soccer Fans everywhere. Vuvuzela. 3.30pm, 38.5°, 2.4 beer already drunk, 2 schnaps each for good luck and the flags and the megaphones ready. But still saving the fireworks, so we were quite lucky and the old man got to get rid of some of the water he'd been downing the hours before. Feeling strange and disconnected to the German fans. Germany. Remembering soccer matches in Aachen where we always turned them into a party...
The game. A social event for me, no point in watching it if I can't be social about it. Me at the desk, Barnie under the desk, Zora bored. Hoping it would be over soon. A city is a difficult place for dogs at times of soccer world cups (or the europe cup, esp. with Turkey in it...) or new year's if they are scared of the fireworks. I wonder what they think. Or what they hear. Or what they associate with it? needless to say there's no walking the old man if there's only the slightest chance of some thunder. Or during these days some honking... oh boy.
Interesting part was however that Zora is absolutely not impressed by the sounds... So two hours after the glorious German win I have one dog laying down in the middle of Hermannstrasse and one pulling forward excitedly, so happy that we are finally outside after enduring what must have felt like months in the heat locked inside the appartment, no Stevie to play with and stupid nora at the computer... But: mission failed. I got applause from a Turkish family when I managed to get Barnie back onto the sidwalk - heading home, of course.
He stayed at the appartment with my hard working friend while I took out Zora to "tire the bitch out" (famous quote) and lucikily we met her friend. note on the side: I really like this about Berlin that you run into people with dogs all the time, some of them are nice and some of them you develop a friendship with (holds true for both). Sitting in the park, playing with the two bitches, we met another woman and her dog (whom I had met whilst waiting at the vet for 6 hours, but that's a different story) and we were later joined by a man and his dog.
However this was rather interesting as the man had a ball and had this idea about how to teach Zora patience. Haha. Humanfriend & I had so much fun watching our dogs being not so patient and "the man" saying, "I have taught plenty of dogs before. This will make them calm down". For sure it didn't. But it was hilarious watching a (continuously warned) man trying to lay down a ball in front of him and have 4 dogs wait to get it. What a day! At one point Zora actually wriggled up to the ball and completely didn't understand why that was wrong. (Towards the end I suggested he try the command "Stay", which she has at least heart of)... Men!!!
Brought home human & dog friend, just to find my home study friend still here (another note on the side: I think it is wonderful that my place seems to have turned out to be an open house of some sort, people here, eating, taking showers, working :D, dogs... yes. It is good)
So then went and took along ol' Barnie (after the next game was over & the fireworks had cooled down). Basically I did a lot of dog walking today, no soccer watching, lots of eating and cooking, but also working and I am really happy about it. If I can do it in this heat, I can do it anytime :).
And I am so glad I have friends who seem to like me and Zora and who cheer me up and help me get on track being aware of it or most likely not... but thanks, guys, I know some of you might actually read this :) and I love my 4 musketeers ;), you are the foundation of Berlin to me... ;) yay! Yesterday I was terrified and thought of being completely anti-social for the next 3 weeks. Today I think I might be able to level it out, yet focussing on my work. And my bitch who as soon as the weather reached a point of 27.8° just can't hear me anymore (poor girl).
Oh I'll post pics soon, but right now I am too tired. I like writing into the orbit that's out there. This is completely random, but I like it. And it is too hot to sleep anyways. Time to shower.
Over & out.
Just before the game a short walk around the block in the blistering sun. Soccer Fans everywhere. Vuvuzela. 3.30pm, 38.5°, 2.4 beer already drunk, 2 schnaps each for good luck and the flags and the megaphones ready. But still saving the fireworks, so we were quite lucky and the old man got to get rid of some of the water he'd been downing the hours before. Feeling strange and disconnected to the German fans. Germany. Remembering soccer matches in Aachen where we always turned them into a party...
The game. A social event for me, no point in watching it if I can't be social about it. Me at the desk, Barnie under the desk, Zora bored. Hoping it would be over soon. A city is a difficult place for dogs at times of soccer world cups (or the europe cup, esp. with Turkey in it...) or new year's if they are scared of the fireworks. I wonder what they think. Or what they hear. Or what they associate with it? needless to say there's no walking the old man if there's only the slightest chance of some thunder. Or during these days some honking... oh boy.
Interesting part was however that Zora is absolutely not impressed by the sounds... So two hours after the glorious German win I have one dog laying down in the middle of Hermannstrasse and one pulling forward excitedly, so happy that we are finally outside after enduring what must have felt like months in the heat locked inside the appartment, no Stevie to play with and stupid nora at the computer... But: mission failed. I got applause from a Turkish family when I managed to get Barnie back onto the sidwalk - heading home, of course.
He stayed at the appartment with my hard working friend while I took out Zora to "tire the bitch out" (famous quote) and lucikily we met her friend. note on the side: I really like this about Berlin that you run into people with dogs all the time, some of them are nice and some of them you develop a friendship with (holds true for both). Sitting in the park, playing with the two bitches, we met another woman and her dog (whom I had met whilst waiting at the vet for 6 hours, but that's a different story) and we were later joined by a man and his dog.
However this was rather interesting as the man had a ball and had this idea about how to teach Zora patience. Haha. Humanfriend & I had so much fun watching our dogs being not so patient and "the man" saying, "I have taught plenty of dogs before. This will make them calm down". For sure it didn't. But it was hilarious watching a (continuously warned) man trying to lay down a ball in front of him and have 4 dogs wait to get it. What a day! At one point Zora actually wriggled up to the ball and completely didn't understand why that was wrong. (Towards the end I suggested he try the command "Stay", which she has at least heart of)... Men!!!
Brought home human & dog friend, just to find my home study friend still here (another note on the side: I think it is wonderful that my place seems to have turned out to be an open house of some sort, people here, eating, taking showers, working :D, dogs... yes. It is good)
So then went and took along ol' Barnie (after the next game was over & the fireworks had cooled down). Basically I did a lot of dog walking today, no soccer watching, lots of eating and cooking, but also working and I am really happy about it. If I can do it in this heat, I can do it anytime :).
And I am so glad I have friends who seem to like me and Zora and who cheer me up and help me get on track being aware of it or most likely not... but thanks, guys, I know some of you might actually read this :) and I love my 4 musketeers ;), you are the foundation of Berlin to me... ;) yay! Yesterday I was terrified and thought of being completely anti-social for the next 3 weeks. Today I think I might be able to level it out, yet focussing on my work. And my bitch who as soon as the weather reached a point of 27.8° just can't hear me anymore (poor girl).
Oh I'll post pics soon, but right now I am too tired. I like writing into the orbit that's out there. This is completely random, but I like it. And it is too hot to sleep anyways. Time to shower.
Over & out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
