Home

It is really nice to come "home". After hours of travelling in a ride share finally getting off the autobahn into the city and realizing that you have been recognizing bits and pieces for the past 100 or so km. Suddenly you know precisely where you are - at the other end of town - and you can call "Stop!" to the slowest driver of the universe, so you can get off at a stop convinient for you. It is so nice the smell the city again. It is dark, but not quiet, you wonder what day and what time it is and you laugh secretly.
While being gone, you felt that something was missing. That you were away from something, not quite graspable. Yet it was right to leave. New strengths have been disco
And then your batteries of the mp3 player turn flat, just at your station and you smile. And you leave the train and you see a car driving by and it shouts "Waka waka" from its radio. And you smile and feel like a friend is giving you a welcome. And you smile at yourself and your silly ideas and walk on.
Zora waiting at home, so excited to have you back - and so well taken care of by the friends you found you made. And you still smile and walk her around the block. Realizing that this is where you want to be, where you chose to be, even though the visit "at home" was great and you are delighted that you brought yourself aloaf of bread from your old local bakery.
And then one of the friends dropping by, even though - thanks to 2h delayed start of the world's slowest driver - it is already 11pm. And the friend discovered love while you were gone and brings you food and shares it in the kitchen and you two talk the night away, like you haven't seen each other in years. And you smile.
And your eyes wander around in your flat, you see bits and pieces, books and cards, stuff and junk, plants and possibly some chaos - and you feel so grateful to have found this place and that it actually has become... home.

Sometimes life is such a mess it leaves you speechless. Sometimes none of it makes sense and you feel like the last 15 minutes of a Bridget Jones movie and it just sucks. I mean wow. I haven't said a word out here for a while as most of my thoughts are not going public.

But let's just say that friday the 13th was a real burner as I fell down my bunk (drunk) - a rhyme and a whine.
I miss some people. Sucks. Hate to get attached. Hate the ache.
I quit my job. I have no answer yet when people ask me, "So what do you do?" - "Ummmm"
I am unhappy with many things and I am not yet perfect at improving.
I got dumped by the summer, my sister and yes, guys.
I like to be self-pitying :).

I danced on the Spree.
I have the most awesome friends, yet I long for space and distance and room to figure me out.
I discovered Ben Harper (yes I am slow) and I love him.
I want to write and also learn how to sew.
I am totally broke.
I want to move to Canada or somewhere far far away.
I love Berlin.
I want summer, it's August, damn it!
I hate Nazis.
I want to get rid of the bunny as it eats my walls and I find that annoying.
I want to find my energy and let go of all that negative crap.

So many thoughts. blblblaaaa