Home

It is really nice to come "home". After hours of travelling in a ride share finally getting off the autobahn into the city and realizing that you have been recognizing bits and pieces for the past 100 or so km. Suddenly you know precisely where you are - at the other end of town - and you can call "Stop!" to the slowest driver of the universe, so you can get off at a stop convinient for you. It is so nice the smell the city again. It is dark, but not quiet, you wonder what day and what time it is and you laugh secretly.
While being gone, you felt that something was missing. That you were away from something, not quite graspable. Yet it was right to leave. New strengths have been disco
And then your batteries of the mp3 player turn flat, just at your station and you smile. And you leave the train and you see a car driving by and it shouts "Waka waka" from its radio. And you smile and feel like a friend is giving you a welcome. And you smile at yourself and your silly ideas and walk on.
Zora waiting at home, so excited to have you back - and so well taken care of by the friends you found you made. And you still smile and walk her around the block. Realizing that this is where you want to be, where you chose to be, even though the visit "at home" was great and you are delighted that you brought yourself aloaf of bread from your old local bakery.
And then one of the friends dropping by, even though - thanks to 2h delayed start of the world's slowest driver - it is already 11pm. And the friend discovered love while you were gone and brings you food and shares it in the kitchen and you two talk the night away, like you haven't seen each other in years. And you smile.
And your eyes wander around in your flat, you see bits and pieces, books and cards, stuff and junk, plants and possibly some chaos - and you feel so grateful to have found this place and that it actually has become... home.

Sometimes life is such a mess it leaves you speechless. Sometimes none of it makes sense and you feel like the last 15 minutes of a Bridget Jones movie and it just sucks. I mean wow. I haven't said a word out here for a while as most of my thoughts are not going public.

But let's just say that friday the 13th was a real burner as I fell down my bunk (drunk) - a rhyme and a whine.
I miss some people. Sucks. Hate to get attached. Hate the ache.
I quit my job. I have no answer yet when people ask me, "So what do you do?" - "Ummmm"
I am unhappy with many things and I am not yet perfect at improving.
I got dumped by the summer, my sister and yes, guys.
I like to be self-pitying :).

I danced on the Spree.
I have the most awesome friends, yet I long for space and distance and room to figure me out.
I discovered Ben Harper (yes I am slow) and I love him.
I want to write and also learn how to sew.
I am totally broke.
I want to move to Canada or somewhere far far away.
I love Berlin.
I want summer, it's August, damn it!
I hate Nazis.
I want to get rid of the bunny as it eats my walls and I find that annoying.
I want to find my energy and let go of all that negative crap.

So many thoughts. blblblaaaa

What matters

I think a lot these days. I always think, but right now, it is really working inside me.

What matters? Is everyone really so independent from material stuff as they post from their iphones? Is it really just love & friends?

How do I know what I feel? Is the feeling important?
How can one get by in this world? Isn't everyone struck by destiny at least once?
I find life so devastatingly difficult. Where to live, what to eat - organic or fair trade? - what to do? Classic Relationship thing, one on one? How does this work? Is it possible at all or are all relationships bound to fail at one point in the one way or the other?
How to raise your kids if they'll end up needing therapy like 85% of the people at one stage anyway? How can one do it right?
How to handle injustice and suffering among your friends and family? Is it not better to stay out of it... safe?

How can we be human? What is human? What is human?

How to protect people we love from getting hurt? How to protect us from people we love? How to protect love?

How to find out who we are? But maybe I don't want to. Maybe I'd rather live an illusion of myself. What if I found out I was a racist banker at heart? No thank you, I keep my picture.

Crazy thoughts.
Crazy feelings.
Crazy thunderstorm and rain, oh the rain. Helps.

Gotta sleep.

First lines to my book

My friend has been threatening me to write a book about my love life. She was my first roommate ever and this has been going on for years. By now she’s married while I am still me - the threat is out there still. As she had recently had a baby and I presume lots of time at home, I don’t want to miss out on a business opportunity, so I am going ahead and writing my own story. If it sounds familiar, she was faster than me. But believe me, I’ve the better stories to tell.

Itchy

I got covered in dust last night sitting in a park. But the dust didn't prevent the moscitoes from eating me up alive... Today is just crazy, I am covered in not less than 30 bites.. but it was a nice sit in with lightnings and music..

Berlin's still pretty hot.
I still got that bunny.
I still workworkwork :)....
I want to be more productive though... turn up the engine.
And swim the lakes of Berlin at night!

Currently, Berlin and I are in a love-hate relationship. Either I love it. The people, the many hellos we get on a morning round, the chit chat, the sun on Tempelhof, the space, the faces on the trains, the very random encounters day after day, my messy appartment, my strange and changing life, my friends, the closeness to people I very often feel here, the possibility to literally do WHATEVER and not to be judged. The bars opening around my area, the fact that the World Cup is finally over, no more silvester "bombs" at night, no more puke the morning after on the streets... The fact that three thirds of the "really" stylish people aren't even Berlin, they are from Barcelona or Brasil, the girls wearing the layers and the sun glasses... The Berliner is actually very much conservative, possibly chucks, but that's it. (Unless a Turkish or Arabian background)... I love the fact that Aussi and I had an excursion into enemy's country (Prenzlauer Berg, couple with children...) & came home with two free cages and really interesting bunny supplies. Is the enemy not the enemy after all? Check out your favorite Feindbild http://www.zitty.de/magazin-berlin/16849/ in Berlin... (Love that article, too)

I hate the heat that stays like a soup, makes you drown in it, doesn't let you go. Soup comes with the smell of the puke, the dog shit, the sweat of the millions of people who gather on this little piece of earth... People abuse people, children... animals. Life. They stay, they waste, they are rude.. they say "they" :).. Sometimes I have enough of it all, I want silence, the smell of a forest, space. Peace. Good thing that I got an excuse to leave the house and wonder off into the greens 3 times a day... Otherwise I'd go crazy.

But then again. I love you Berlin. I like what this city is doing with me.

Feeling homy

... with the homies :)

I just helped a friend of mine to move in today. She literally lives down the street from me, just around the corner. I love how in the past three months I found so many people living close by who have now become friends. There is my study companion, with whom I do meet rather spontaneously for a drink / supper, too. 3 girls I found through Zora whilst walking her (all with dogs themselves). My favourite Irish & Australian who live not too far away... My dogsitter!
Then there's all these little bars and galleries here that I love so much... And I should really start to eat out in this area, I have no clue, but there is soo much!

This is becoming my home :-D!

Cheerio :)

New Stuff!

New Computer!
New Windows 7 (confusing!)
New Word and Google Chrome!
New Keyboard: NNNNNNNNNNN :-D!
New speakers :)!
New Friends!
New Attitude!
New Pet!



What can I say? Life got a bit confusing today.... I did keep the bunny for now. Seeing that he/she is almost part of the family already... see above ;) Will see how the next days go, want the bunny (and me!) to be happy. Zora does love him.... Will see ;)

His companion died once we had arrived at home. He got into the fangs of two hunting dogs... Very sad, all of it. I put up signs, called the shelter and the vet. Punk (that's what I named him) just doesn't seem like he wasn't loved... He's so tame... Maybe the family is on holiday and the kids weren't asked about this.. Very sad.

Very hot today... gotta work a bit more, now that it is colder. Can't really get used to this new keyboard yet, feels like I gotta jam the keys... hm hm hm

Cheerio!

Punk

Today Zora and I came home with two bunnies from the dog park :(. One of them didn't make it. The other one now lives in my bathroom. (For now)

Berlin's schools are out for summer. Sometimes I hate people. More later.

Educator's talk

Hey hey,

I am (thesis) writing these days. Tomorrow I'll hopefully receive a new labtop in the mail. I will then annoy you all with capital "n"s... Believe me!!!

These days are devoted to communication! Lots of chats to people at the dog parks, children on the streets, on trains... Interesting, amusing, inspiring...
We survived the ride home after the soccer match :)! I am really proud. Generally I think we are doing really good, she's calming down more & more whilst we continue to "practice" (My favourite German sentence: "Ja, das üben wir noch!!").
I have now set a new goals because I want her to learn "Stay", "Back" and wait at street crossings for me to walk ahead, check the street and then run across at my signal. I also think it might be cool if she walked behind me on stairs... Goals coming up! Maybe I'll even train her to run without a leash on the sidwalk while I bike on the street... (General biking with her on the leash is going really well though). Some chick told me today her dog brings the keys, its plate, switches the light on and off... I like all those ideas! Let's tire her brains out ;)!

Before I forgot, I am rereading this book at the moment and I highly recommend it to any people with dogs (Amazon not obligatory, of course and it exists in German, too "Das andere Ende der Leine").
It has really shaped my behaviour towards Zora!

Today we visited her most amazing dog sitter, who gave ine of us food & ice cream & plants!!! What can I say?? We then biked on to Tempelhof, where we met a really cool couple with two dogs who are as crazy (if not worse) as Zora!! The male dog even used to walk past people and pee at them!! I love that story! I am so lucky with my silly dumb dog ;)! And I must say that I do love Tempelhof. Mental note to take my camera along to take pics and share my excitement...

These days are filled with work, so busy, but they are good. I am still glad I took the step. Or in my case a major jump ;(. And I might talk too much about her at times. This is why I now put it all into my blog.
I am so proud that she's calm at home, that she can stay alone alright - on a few occasions for longer, too, that she plays so friendly with all dogs, lets me call her in between (unless of course there is a ball... BALL BALL BALL), doesn't chase stuff (except for pidgins), kisses Barnie on command (seriously the cutest thing ever), always has a smirk about her... and yes, she does go after the cute joggers for me :).

So all in all, life is really good. All I need to do is finish my three chapters and my scholarship application in 2 weeks. But yeah. I can do that. Maybe I'll teach Zora to write, too. (Today she "understood" the spelt out B-A-L-L at the dog park and people made fun of me, when I said I'd train her everyday and said, "Zora, S-I-T!". They laughed and I used that occasion to point out that I am raising her bilingually. not sure if everyone caught on though)

hehe

Time for sleep. Tomorrow morning we are meeting Emma & her person for a morning walk. Yes, it takes all of Berlin to raise us :)

Cheerio...

On dinosaurs

Returning from a short afternoon walk -- during which Zo had proven a real bitch as she barked yet again at some innocent Turkish man sitting behind a tree, aah! -- we ran into a mother, her daughter and their puppy. It was an 8 weeks old mix between a chihuaha and a jack russel terrier (so they claimed) and I let my dogs sniff the babes. Looking at that was incredible because the entire dog was half the size of either Barnie's or Zora's head!!! I tried hard not to crack too many jokes, but it felt like two brontosauri were gently sniffing on some small creature... (at this point, Zora was actually gentle, she could have eaten the thing in one bite... )

:)

I am walking the streets of neukoelln with two dinosaurs!

Monday morning encounters

This morning the three of us had a million gazillion encounters with humans and canines, fine spirired and not so fine.
One was pretty bad as Zora barked at some person (homeless? unemployed for sure...) sitting on the ground on a public walking path, leaning against a tree, reading the newspaper. What can I say she had never seen something like that before :). Zora sniffed at him and he yelled. So she ran around the tree a few times barking until I finally catch her. (not attacking obviously, being Zora, and the guy had definitely heard us coming along beforehand, so his reaction that made her bark in the first place, was... well... hmm.. I know she's not supposed to that... anyway) So he screams, "Come here once more, someone will get hit on the head with a stick!" I wondered if that was referring to me or her, it was a rather open comment. And I waited for Barnie (who had deciced to poop in the bush right next to the guy, what a statement...), held Zo on the collar, apologized and left. He bitched something after me, that I didn't really understand. Either me or Zora were considered "psychologically ill". I contemplated about walking back, starting a conversation, but I thought it's not really worth it.
Mind you that was the path where on sunday morning during our tour, we had walked past a parking taxi, windows open, music playing and two naked people in the backseat. On sunday around 8am!!! I guess I am still a town girl after all..
Back to work...

hui!

If that stat counter is right I had two more visits just now :)
Or maybe it is actually counting my own clicks...? Oh well. Excitement builds. Place is cooling down. :)

The heat of soccer

Berlin is about 100° hot these days. Today Germany kicked Argentina out of the World Cup. 4:0. What a game it must have been. I stayed hidden behind curtains, windows closed, working at my desk. Might have gone out and celebrated my German soccer heritage if it hadn't been for my friend sitting at my dining table studying herself. But fleeing my appartment wouldn't have been possible even to abandon my love-hate work because of my guest for the weekend, Barnie, my sister's dog (she went sailing... she went sailing... like a boat... cross the seas...). He's 11, almost fully blind, pretty deaf - but not deaf enough not to hear and be terrified by the fireworks that went off at every occasion Germany could have or actually did score a goal. There were many. Down here in neukoelln, sometimes I think this is what war must sound like.
Just before the game a short walk around the block in the blistering sun. Soccer Fans everywhere. Vuvuzela. 3.30pm, 38.5°, 2.4 beer already drunk, 2 schnaps each for good luck and the flags and the megaphones ready. But still saving the fireworks, so we were quite lucky and the old man got to get rid of some of the water he'd been downing the hours before. Feeling strange and disconnected to the German fans. Germany. Remembering soccer matches in Aachen where we always turned them into a party...
The game. A social event for me, no point in watching it if I can't be social about it. Me at the desk, Barnie under the desk, Zora bored. Hoping it would be over soon. A city is a difficult place for dogs at times of soccer world cups (or the europe cup, esp. with Turkey in it...) or new year's if they are scared of the fireworks. I wonder what they think. Or what they hear. Or what they associate with it? needless to say there's no walking the old man if there's only the slightest chance of some thunder. Or during these days some honking... oh boy.
Interesting part was however that Zora is absolutely not impressed by the sounds... So two hours after the glorious German win I have one dog laying down in the middle of Hermannstrasse and one pulling forward excitedly, so happy that we are finally outside after enduring what must have felt like months in the heat locked inside the appartment, no Stevie to play with and stupid nora at the computer... But: mission failed. I got applause from a Turkish family when I managed to get Barnie back onto the sidwalk - heading home, of course.
He stayed at the appartment with my hard working friend while I took out Zora to "tire the bitch out" (famous quote) and lucikily we met her friend. note on the side: I really like this about Berlin that you run into people with dogs all the time, some of them are nice and some of them you develop a friendship with (holds true for both). Sitting in the park, playing with the two bitches, we met another woman and her dog (whom I had met whilst waiting at the vet for 6 hours, but that's a different story) and we were later joined by a man and his dog.
However this was rather interesting as the man had a ball and had this idea about how to teach Zora patience. Haha. Humanfriend & I had so much fun watching our dogs being not so patient and "the man" saying, "I have taught plenty of dogs before. This will make them calm down". For sure it didn't. But it was hilarious watching a (continuously warned) man trying to lay down a ball in front of him and have 4 dogs wait to get it. What a day! At one point Zora actually wriggled up to the ball and completely didn't understand why that was wrong. (Towards the end I suggested he try the command "Stay", which she has at least heart of)... Men!!!
Brought home human & dog friend, just to find my home study friend still here (another note on the side: I think it is wonderful that my place seems to have turned out to be an open house of some sort, people here, eating, taking showers, working :D, dogs... yes. It is good)
So then went and took along ol' Barnie (after the next game was over & the fireworks had cooled down). Basically I did a lot of dog walking today, no soccer watching, lots of eating and cooking, but also working and I am really happy about it. If I can do it in this heat, I can do it anytime :).
And I am so glad I have friends who seem to like me and Zora and who cheer me up and help me get on track being aware of it or most likely not... but thanks, guys, I know some of you might actually read this :) and I love my 4 musketeers ;), you are the foundation of Berlin to me... ;) yay! Yesterday I was terrified and thought of being completely anti-social for the next 3 weeks. Today I think I might be able to level it out, yet focussing on my work. And my bitch who as soon as the weather reached a point of 27.8° just can't hear me anymore (poor girl).
Oh I'll post pics soon, but right now I am too tired. I like writing into the orbit that's out there. This is completely random, but I like it. And it is too hot to sleep anyways. Time to shower.
Over & out.

:-)

By the way, I am okay, too. And thanks for the inspiration to continue writing (this). I wish all this writing was as easy stream-of-consciousness-like as this. The next weeks will be so busy and I am bit scared and sceptical of myself.

Oh and if the time comes, Zo & I might move to a flatshare, leave our little ivory tower and see what's out there. For now, we won't though. I like my space. And even though there is no visitors at my house and I vowed not to take in anybody for the next month facing my workload - there will be another dog (Barnie) visiting for the weekend.

How many Berlins does it take to raise two dogs?

How many Berlins does it take to raise me?

Move into the country....

Zora and I travelled the world in the past weeks. We met a felt million people and are happy to be back home now.

Travelling by ICE with a dog can be so much easier (and quieter!) than with a child. Actually travelling in an ICE with a child in the same waggon that is constantly crying & screaming at a high pitch voice might inspire some people to have some really bad thoughts. Oh well.
When we were on a very small train from one little town to another somewhere in north rine westfalia, we met this guy. He was wearing big sneakers, all white shorts and shirts and a cup... a very stylish young person.. not really the type I generally chat to on the train as most of the small town boys wanna beat you up for looking strangely at their girlfriends or they give their girlfriends the task (as guys don't hit girls).
So that lad was chatting up to Zora (it is a general feeling of mine that Zora is much often hit on than I am. I wonder. And no, she won't get her own facebook profile), wondering what type of dog she was (here it was my turn to answer), making assumptions... I always find it very funny that people interpret the types of dogs they like / own into Zora. And I still can't tell, but my usual answer "Berlin street breed" couldn't be applied here as I was 700km away from Berlin.
So when he asked me where we and our enormous luggage were heading to and I named the little town, which he didn't know, I felt oblige to be cool myself and claimed, "Actually, we are from Berlin". Sounded very exotic in that tiny train and I felt really good about it. Funny enough, they guy looked at me and asked "Where??" and I said "neukoelln" and he replied "Pankow!". Apparently he had only moved to the little town a couple of weeks ago and we ended up chatting quite nicely about life out in the country. There was this instant feeling of connection - and none of us would have ever guessed if it hadn't been for Zora...

This happens to me all the time. Sometimes I don't feel like chatting though. But most of the time it is very rewarding. After the 4.5 hour ICE ride everyone knew us when we got off the train in Duesseldorf (not too sure if that was a good thing though).
On the little trains that we took travelling within north rine westfalia we also met many people who came and chatted to us. Or very very young ones who were super brave and pettet Zora. (Yet she barked at them when they were pushed past her in their prams).

I did find it quite appalling that out in the country surrounding the little towns there was lots of space, but people were very uptight about their dogs. Leashes shortened as soon as they spotted us on the horizon. Little dogs lifted up into safe arms, being rescued from my bloodthirsting beast... I liked the smell of the forest so much. It is very different from Berlin's parks or forest, it is so fresh and real and... true. But having a dog is so much easier in a city, where canines meet four times a day, get to run and play - and the owners chat away over a bottle of beer. I was a bit insecure whether it was actually appropriate for a rather medium sized dog (who even keeps growing, think about it!) to live in the middle of Berlin. If it wasn't nicer to have fields and forests to play and run in. But I think a dog's life here isn't that bad after all.

And now we're gonna bike off to Tempelhof, bike around it for 8km and then stop at one of the three dog running areas to meet the dog friends. It is freaking hot here these days, so we need to do it eeeearly in the morning (uhum) or late in the evening (my preferred choice). Life is not that bad after all.

Learning

Zora learned how to spring into the lake at Treptower Park today, full speed, off the edge :). She learnt how to swim on the weekend at Grunewald, it was fantastic.

I am learning how to blog :). So watch this place. In a few days, it might look awesome. I am so excited to have followers. :-D I'll post some infos on dogs in Berlin soon, like how to watch for the Ordnungsamt or where you can let them play best. neukölln is my home, but I love to disappear from here once in a while.

My greatest achievement is to make links. Thank you Steven! I might annoy you with that for a bit in the near future...

Woohoo! Blogging is fun. What did you learn today?

"Some people just don't know how to behave"

I was on the train (on my own) to go to the Zimbabwe Arts Festival [Which was by the way, very much inspiring, shocking at times, sad, funny and yeah, I was soo happy to be actually living in Berlin and to be able to just go there and drop by. So I felt really local]

I was reading Denis Goldberg's autobiography [in German or in English] on the train, which was very recently published and since I am at it I might tell you that it is a fantastic book to read a new perspective on the struggle against apartheid and it is very well written and informative. I had been invited to the launch of his book at the South African Embassy and ever since I had gotten my hands on a copy I had been reading it wherever I happened to be.

Anyway, here I was, sitting on the wonderful multicultural U8 which starts deep down in neukoelln, then passes through Kreuzberg (my favourite stop is the notorious Kottbusser Tor) and then takes you out to Mitte and godknowswhere. One stop or so after our departure, a big group of boys with either a Turkish or an Arabian background got on the train. They were really loud, while I was somewhere in the middle of South Africa of the 1960s. One of the boys said, "I'll sit down next to this nice lady" and he did. The rest gathered around us, me reading. Then another one who approached the group challenged to beat up yet another one "right here and now". I looked up. The boys pushed each other around a bit. They were between 12 and maybe 14 and they really needed to prove their coolness. It was a saturday, so the train was not really that full, nobody seemed to be bothered the slightest bit. The boy next to me, shook his head and said, "Some people just don't know how to behave". I chuckled.
Turned out, this group of young apes was on their way to the swimming pool. It was one of the hottest days so far. But they didn't actually know where to go to. I don't think they had ever travelled there before. none of them had a clue, which station to go to. A friendly passenger then helped them and advised them, also making peace among them. It was a funny ride.

I cannot believe that for some people travelling 5 stations by train and leaving their "Kiez", their immediate environment, is often an unbearable challenge. Talk about integration, mixing, equal chances... And these were young boys, there was not a girl among them. I am sure it might be even more diffucult to leave your kiez as a girl. I know through my work at Hueber for German as a second language teachers that there are many illiterate, mature women who have lived in Berlin for several decades and have heard of the subway as a rumor. I find it incredible.

I feel like I sort of missed my point here, there was some good twist I had to that story. But it is late and I forgot. Hope to edit this post tomorrow.

Finally!

Hey hey,

it is June 7th and while I should be busy doing other things, I have enjoyed a marvellous, yes marvellous, day out in the sun with friends. now I have finally initiated my blog, a thing that my two contemporary Aussi and Irish roomies have encouraged me to do ever since I have been nagging at them with my stories. And here we'll go, writing away, for the whole world to read or not, it doesn't matter.

Design is far from perfect as I have no clue and it is not the point, i want to write.

Zora, my dog as of 2 months and a week maybe, has made me leave my appartment so many more times and has let me explore all kinds of areas in Berlin. It is a wonderfully bewildering dog society down here in the heart of neukoelln. And you need a dog to see that side.

Just today an old retired punk in a wheel chair stopped me to tell me a (highly inappropriate) joke. Was something about an old blind lady and a young guy and a penis. Oh well. Where else do you get that before breakfast?
The other day I had somebody threaten me to shoot Zora with his gun (secured in his belt, so who knows if it was actually a gun) if I let her off the leash.
I have had an hour and a half long talk with a wonderful old man on the new dog ground of Tempelhof whose father had worked on it and became exactly as old as the former airport (105 years). What an inspiring encounter!! (Whilst Zora was playing with his 8month old Labrador and the two crashed into me at full speed... My full front leg is still purple and blue).
I saw a Turkish mother in her traditional outfit and veiled and her three daughters sit in the middle of a park and she sat them down with their toys on the bench while I was playing with balls and Zora. A few minutes later she had started to jog in large circles around their children, following the way around the small lawn in the park, waving at them behind every bush. Talk about trying to get fit and yet keeping true to your culture. And she had her eyes on the girls at all times, who would giggle and squeek at her whenever she came out behind the bush. It was priceless.
In the very same little park, I have met a bum, Jacob, who is Zora's and my friend now :) and greets us very enthusiastically every time he sees us, tells me about his life in France and loves Zora.
I have had a guy give Zora the dog biscuits his own dog didn't like and then eating them himself, pointing out to me that they are the best quality... (Glad he didn't offer me one!)
We have spent hours in the middle of Tempelhof airport, all alone, believing we are somewhere in the prairies...
I got cursed in what was presumably Turkish two days ago by a mother two days ago because Zo looked at her children. But over the two months so far, we have had many children of diverse nationalities come up and pet her, proving that she's actually not that bad though ;).
Oh, there is McGuiver, a guy who got a puppy, the same day I got her. Yet he knows so much more about dog training than me and he has all the tools :). (He's awesome). Zora has a couple of dog friends already, generally speaking, she's much more popular and cuter than me ;), I am trying to keep up though.

I have met beautiful people through her who are starting to become friends.
This blog is about all of them and about Berlin, the city we live in and that I love and hate so much at the same time.

More to follow after the next walk.